So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
