This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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