Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
