I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
