We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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