Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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