My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
