Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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