i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
