I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
