It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
