everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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