You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
These tits shall not be calmed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
