This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
