I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
