You really coming over, don't trick.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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