i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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