I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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