so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm at about main and main street
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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