Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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