Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
