Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
