My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
