so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
