Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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