someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
