so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
