hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
