I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
