Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
