Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
