Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
