Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
