I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
