I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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