i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
