you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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