I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, beer. Big fan.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
