It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
