Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
