My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
