Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
