I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
