i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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