Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
