she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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