He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
