Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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