there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had to coat check the pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
