All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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