just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
